THE SILICON VALLEY NEW PORSCHE MARKET TANKED TODAY on news that Salesforce's CEO Marc Benioff's big mouth had run his company's IPO right off the rails.

True to form, Benioff proved once again that he does not understand the word "quiet' in the SEC's pre-IPO quiet period requirement.

The New York Times noted that in its interview with Benioff, the CEO had said that "the SEC prohibits me from making any statements that would hype my IPO," but then proceeded to discuss the software business and his competitors.
-- Forbes.com: Salesforce.com IPO delayed -- reports

And where did Mr. Benioff learn his executive techniques? That paragon of mum's-the-word, that citidel of silence, Oracle.

As of this writing SalesForce employees who had hoped, at last, to cash in, we're seen cancelling orders for Porsches and passing an envelope around the office hoping to raise enough to buy Mr. Benioff a large, hot, streaming cup of STFU.

USPS and Microsoft Join Forces To Deliver Next-Generation Spam and Personal Validation Solutions

First Solution Includes Email Micropayment E-Stamp Powered by Microsoft Passport Approved and Enforced by US Postal Service

FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE

WASHINGTON, DC, and REDMOND, Wash., May 17, 2004 -- The United States Postal Service and Microsoft Corp. (Nasdaq "MSFT") today announced a global strategic relationship to jointly develop and market the world’s first “e-stamp” to combat Spam via Microsoft’s Passport Services. “This represents a quantum leap in Spam reduction and privacy protection,” said Microsoft’s Bill Gates. Postmaster General John E. Potter agreed, “We’re very excited to be working with Microsoft at this watershed moment in the evolution of the Internet....” More at: USPS and Microsoft Join Forces To Deliver Next-Generation Spam and Personal Validation Solutions

U.S.-based news media needing further information should contact the Waggener Edstrom Rapid Response Team at rrt@wagged.com or 503-443-7070.

AN ITEM ON THE WHOPPING MICROSOFT FINE in Europe from Christopher Booker's Notebook

Gates's billions are safe

A month ago, to some fanfare, the Brussels competition commissioner, Mario Monti, announced he was imposing a £331 million fine on Microsoft, the giant US computer corporation, for the crime of giving away a "media player" as part of its Windows operating system. Even though there is nothing to stop customers installing a free rival media player, Mr Monti and his officials had decided that this constituted "unfair competition".

Lord Pearson of Rannoch then asked in the House of Lords how the European Commission proposed to collect the fine. Baroness Symons of Vernham Dean, a Foreign Office minister, explained that, under Article 256 of the Treaty, fines on commercial organisations must be collected by member states. Since Microsoft sells its products in every EU country, I therefore asked the Foreign Office to explain who decides how much of the fine must be collected by the British Government, and who is responsible.

The Foreign Office suggested that responsibility for taking the money off Microsoft would probably fall to the Office of Fair Trading. When I asked the OFT, they said it was nothing to do with them and suggested I should ring the European Commission.

The Commission's London office said it was nothing to do with them and that responsibility probably lay with the Competition Commission. They also said it was nothing to do with them, and that I should go back to the European Commission. I suspect Bill Gates of Microsoft can be confident of holding onto his money for quite a while.

Ah, tell me again about the European Union and its ability to govern better than the member states. In the meantime, if nobody can decide who should get the money, I'll take the check and hold it in my account until this gets sorted out.

We've all had the experience of concealed outrage when watching a airport security guard take grandma or grandpa aside to have a closer look at their walker. How idiotic, how rude, how utterly abhorant to our sense of liberty and freedom, we think. What can a person confined to a walker or feeble enough to need a cane do, we think.

Well, it's time to think again. A brief perusal of the FBI's Guide to Concealable Weapons, 2003 [Illustrated] will give you chills just thinking about some of the edged weapons options available to people. From the introduction:

In the wake of the September 11, 2001, airline hijackings the FIREARMS AND TOOLMARKS UNIT of the FBI LABORATORY has started a collection of small and easily concealed knives. This is the first installment of a continuing effort to collect and distribute information on knives that otherwise may be dismissed as non threatening items. Many of the knives in this collection were commercially purchased and typically can be bought for less than $20. Some of these knives are common items found in most homes and offices. You will notice also that some are made of a plastic material, making them less likely to be considered a weapon. Each of these tools was designed to
cut and is fully functional in that respect. Whether used to cut paper, cardboard, or other material, these knives should be treated as potentially dangerous weapons. Each knife is shown with an accompanying scale for size reference and many include an X-ray photograph to show how these weapons might appear if placed in luggage and passed through a scanning device.

The 2.1 megabyte PDF file can be downloaded from this site.

Yes, there are a lot of silly items shown, but the inclusion of the ghostly images of what things do and do not look like in the scanners packs a whallop. You might even remember them the next time you have to take off your shoes in front of a bunch of perfect strangers.

Pointer via Grow-A-Brain

It will be interesting to see the Democrat's demolish Bush's current action's and plans to put more Americans into their own home.

Our nation's 68 percent homeownership rate is the highest ever, and our government is taking steps to make owning a home a reality for more Americans, especially minorities and those with low incomes. In June 2002, I set the goal of adding 5.5 million new minority home owners in America by the end of this decade. Since then, more than 1.5 million minority families have moved into houses of their own. And for the first time, most minorities own their own home.

We are building on this progress. I have signed into law the American Dream Down Payment Act, which will help low-income Americans to afford the down payment and closing costs on their first home. I'm asking Congress to provide an annual $200 million for this program. That additional money would help an estimated 40,000 low-income families every year become first-time homeowners. I'm proposing that we make zero down payment loans available to first-time buyers whose mortgages are guaranteed by the Federal Housing Administration. And this will help about 150,000 families buy homes in the first year alone.

Another obstacle to homeownership is the often complicated process of buying a home and getting a loan. My budget for 2005 would more than double funding for housing counseling services from 2001 levels.

A house and a mortgage represent a big personal commitment, and we want to prepare more Americans to make that commitment with confidence. To make homeownership attainable for more of our citizens, I have asked Congress to create a tax credit to encourage the construction of affordable homes. Under my proposal, builders will have an incentive to provide an additional 200,000 affordable homes over five years for families with low incomes.
--- President Bush's Weekly Radio Address Emphasis Added

Let's see.
1) Add 5.5 million new minority home owners. 1.5 million already done.
2) Aid on down payment and closing costs. Add $200 million to the fund. Net increase of 40,000 minority or low income home owners per year.
3) Zero down-payment loans to first-time buyers backed by the FHA. 150,000 families in their own home in first year.
4) Double the funding for home-buying counseling services
5) Tax incentives to create 40,000 low income homes per year.

What will be the Kerry campaign response to this? Perhaps he can spin in a promise to so increase taxes on those earning more than $200,000 a year to buy everybody making under $40,000 a year a new house.

It would be an upgrade on the 'chicken in every pot' promise. "Elect Kerry and it will be new houses on the house."

I don't know about anyone else, but to me some of the most discouraging words I can read online are: "This Requires RealPlayer." This is a company that has been trying to pick my pocket and ripping time out of my life for years. I don't know what this company's problems are, but they are legion and probably revolved around some founder "not being Bill Gates." At least that's the whiff I get off the site and the app this group produces. That's why it depressed me to see that the EU shakedown of Microsoft was also going to involve the innocent of Europe in even more RealPlayer moments than they have previously had:

Q. What effect will the verdict have on computer users?

A. Some analysts have said in Europe it will mean less choice if Microsoft is forced to take its Media Player software out of Windows. Microsoft says it will mean less functionality for many consumers since the vast majority of all PCs are sold with Windows software. MS rivals say it will give consumers the opportunity to review a number of media players that they can download off the Internet before choosing which one they like.
--CNN.com - Q&A: Why the EU took on Microsoft - Mar 24, 2004

Yet another reason to mourn for Europe. Too bad. She had, long ago, some nice ideals.

House OKs Ban on Fast Food Obesity Suits By JESSE J. HOLLAND

The GOP-controlled House on Wednesday voted to ban supersized lawsuits that blame the food industry for people's expanding waistlines and health woes, saying such cases could bankrupt fast-food chains and restaurants.

The 276-139 vote is intended to prevent class action lawsuits that contend food companies and their offerings are responsible for Americans' putting on the pounds and lurching toward obesity.

Ah, the sweet if brief breeze of sanity in government. Now, if only we could pass a Constitutional Ammendment stating that if you walk into a McDonalds to purchase and hoover 15 happy meals a day, if is you and only you that is putting on the pounds and lurching towards obesity. We note in passing that a "276-139 vote" indicates that non-"GOP controlled House" politicians voted for the bill as well. An advanced bit of mathematics no doubt beyond the ability of Jesse B. Holland, AP.

Another benefit of this bill is that it will keep

the Drive Thru Menus of America as permanent parts of our uban landscape.
==
UPDATE: On the other hand, just because they can continue serving you the food you like, it doesn't mean they should be above regulation:

Photos Show Fast-Food Restaurant Workers Bathing In Kitchen Sink
ADVANCE, N.C. -- State law requires restaurant workers to keep their hands clean. Two employees of a Wendy's in Davie County took it a little further. Health officials said the two workers were photographed bathing in a dishwashing sink at the fast-food restaurant in Advance. The sink has cleaning jets and is normally used to wash pots, pans and other cookware.

Davie County Health Department Director Barry Bass said photographs of two men in swimsuits taking turns bathing in the large, bubble-filled sink prompted an investigation. Bass said while he's never seen anything like it, the act didn't pose a health hazard.

Probably not. But the five-foot bong in the bathroom is a different matter.

Today I received this unsettling, but wise, email. Others might do well to heed it.

From: The American Blogging Association
To: Gerard van der Leun, americandigest.org,
CC:David Winer, scriptingnudes.com

Subject: This Is Your Final Warning

Sirs,
Over the past few years, we're happy that you've been able to put the new "Blogging" phenomena to good use (well, in Mr. Winer's case, "happy" is stretching the point a bit).

While American Digest has served as an illuminating and sometime humorous signpost in today's media, other Blogs have served to keep nattering Jr. Naderites like Joi Ito off the street and out of the mainstream of society. Illumination, humor, and keeping the Joi Ito’s of the world either in their room or ruining all-you-can-eat restaurants are noble goals and we endorse them.

However, after receiving thousands of complaints both by email, letter bomb, and one person who actually set himself on fire in our reception area, we must insist the both of you cease and desist a writing a species of posts which are apparently driving millions of Web users right off their feed and right round the bend.

No, Mr. Winer, it's not your inane little habit of posting about every 12 lines of code you've written, each cigarette you didn't smoke, your TMI little medical details, or even your RSS feed of information on your bowel movements. And No, it's not your endless proclamations that you invented RSS, or blogging, or the internet, or four-day lithium holidays.

It's that both of you just won't leave the pathetic lame duck candidates alone!

Mr. van der Leun, PLEASE stop posting about Howard Dean. No more posts, no more songs, no more photo-shopped photos. Just stop it, now.

And Mr. Winer, STOP defending him, and, while you're at it, stop posting about internet democracy, "Vote Blog", and anything even vaguely inferring that your silly little blog has any more influence on the election than the color of your stools. Oh, wait, we take that back. New tracking data shows that 84% of Dean's supporters read your site, and were so distraught that you were supporting him and might receive an appointment if he were elected that they are switching their support to Ralph Nader.

In both of your cases, this is your final warning. We have friends in the browser business, and it would be very easy for your sites to become "invisible", or, worse yet, point to each others, in the near future.

Thank you for your cooperation.

Well, that’s it for me. I shall not risk the wrath of the ABA.

I hereby declare that American Digest will now be a “Howard Dean Free Zone” from now until the last ding-dong of Doom. The name “Howard Dean” will henceforth not appear on this site. This is the last time you will read the words “Howard Dean.”

Set your search engines to “Howard the Duck.”

Old Candidate (Left) New Candidate (Right)

Gopnik's Learning Curve

The ability to learn is inversely proportional to years of school, adjusted for hormones.

Gopnik's Gender Curves

The male curve is an abrupt rise followed by an equally abrupt fall. The female curve is a slow rise to an extended asymptote. The areas under the curves are roughly equal. These curves apply to all activities at all time scales (e.g. attention to TV programs, romantic love, career scientific productivity).

-- The World Question Center, 2004

Alison Gopnik

If you're not a fish,
don't swallow this.

"A five-inch fishing lure which sports three steel hooks and cautions users that it is, "Harmful if swallowed," has been identified as one of the nation's wackiest warning labels in an annual contest sponsored by the Michigan Lawsuit Abuse Watch."

-- From M-LAW's Wacky Warning Labels

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