BEST CAPTION AT FARK so far today:"More cracking sounds at airport terminal in the country that gave us such engineering marvels as the 2CV and the Maginot Line."

...are about to be broken.

-- I, Robot

Andy Kaufman in "Things I Learned While I Was Away":

"I am not Osama bin Laden. Ann Coulter is actually an evil twin clone of mine. We take turns playing one another, much like Tony Clifton and I did for years."

-- Andy Kaufman Returns

JUST IN CASE YOU ARE UNCLEAR ABOUT THE WAR BEING WAGED AGAINST US, MEMRI provides this reminder: "Hamid Golpira wrote a column in the Iranian English-language daily Tehran Times about the tenets of Jihad

"Our wise teacher explained it to us like this. First we must invite them to Islam. Even if they declare war against us, we should invite them to Islam by calling a one-day truce for them to think over our invitation. If after one day they embrace Islam, we should accept them as Muslim brothers and sisters and war has been averted.

"If they do not embrace Islam, we should invite them to pay the jizya tax and become dhimmis or to make a peace treaty with the Muslims, and we should again call a one-day truce for them to think over our proposal. If after one day they decide to pay the jizya tax and become dhimmis or to make a peace treaty with the Muslims, we should accept their decision, and again war has been averted.

"However, if they do not embrace Islam and do not decide to become non-Muslims who are not enemies of Islam but decide to make war against the Muslims, then, under such circumstances, we are allowed to wage war against them, as long as we observe all the other rules of Jihad, such as treating prisoners fairly and not attacking civilians. And Islam teaches that genocide, war crimes, crimes against humanity, and terrorism are always haram (forbidden).

I guess we forgot to pay the tax or sign the peace treaty. That's it for us. Especially since it seems our enemies have forgotten a few things about the nature of their jihad as well -- terrorism, war crimes, murder of civilians -- just a few, yes.

JAMES JOYNER has done the heavy lifting on a universal apology so you don't have to. See Outside the Beltway: My Apologies and perhaps make a small print-out you can carry around with you in case it is needed quickly:

I, too, apologize for the Reserve MPs who were mean to prisoners in Iraq. Sure, I've been out of the Army for twelve years now, but I once wore the same uniform as those guys and was also in Iraq for several months. I also drove past several Iraqi prisoners on more than one occasion without stopping to share my MREs with them (I'd have gladly donated my oatmeal cookie bar). Perhaps if I'd set a better example then, BG Karpinski would have been a better commander and I'd have conveyed to future generations of soldiers that we should be nice to Iraqi prisoners rather than making fun of their wee-wees and otherwise abusing them.

I'm very sorry that I didn't see the 9/11 attacks coming and did nothing to prevent them. To the families who lost people that day, I failed you. Had I only been endowed with omniscence and omnipotence, rest assured that I'd have stopped the attacks rather than teaching at a mediocre college in South Alabama that day.

Also, while these events were before my time, I feel really bad about the My Lai massacre, Jim Crow laws, the Holocaust, slavery, killing all those Indians and stealing their land, and the Spanish Inquisition. If there's anything else you're feeling bad about, I apologize for that, too. And if this apology offended you in any way, you have my apologies.

I think we need to tack a version of that onto the Oath of Office taken by all future Presidents of the United States, foreign or domestic.

Kerry said he went to the Golan Heights, visited the Sea of Galilee and "actually stood on the Mount of the Beatitudes and read the Sermon on the Mount to those gathered with me."

Two choices here. A) Either he's lying, which is disappointing, or B) he's telling the truth, which is frightening.

Perhaps it will, in the end, turn out to be C) "I didn't read The Sermon on the Mount after I read The Sermon on the Mount."

-- Kerry Vows to Protect Israel in Peace Moves

"The Museum of Non-Primate Art is sponsoring the production of a documentary on prominant cat artists and their work.

"While this documentary is stil under production we are priviledged to be able to show some footage for your enjoyment."
--Cats Painting

The movie shows dynamic rings, wisps and jets of matter and antimatter around the pulsar in the Crab Nebula as observed in optical light by Hubble. --Crab Nebula Time-Lapse Movies

Tell me again why we need to let the Hubble die.

Again, you've missed your chance to get the Qwert Iggle. Amazon just can't keep them in stock.

Qwert Iggle
Earl's Kitchen

This item is not stocked or has been discontinued. Request this item from another seller.

Features:
Do Not buy this item
We will just refund you if we remember

-- Click here to see if they change their mind:
Amazon.com: Kitchen & Housewares: Qwert Iggle

I am entranced with the benefits that gmail will hopefully provide! -- Tim O’Reilly

IN HIS SOUNDBREAKING article on Google’s gmail plans, The Fuss About Gmail and Privacy: Nine Reasons Why It's Bogus publisher and minor Internet oligarch Tim (“I’m Not Bill”) O’Reilly came out swinging for Google’s GMail.

True, he neglected to mention that he actually held some pre-IPO Google shares, [I do own a small amount of Google stock. I was an investor in Pyra (Blogger.com), and helped Evan to negotiate the sale to Google. But you should know better than to hint that I'm influenced by that fact. -- Zawodny ] but his arguments about of the utter bogusity of suspecting Google and GMail of evil intent was so stunning and sweeping that the Internet was virtually silenced on this latest engulf and devour move by the “company that doesn’t suck.”

As a reward, O’Reilly was given a rare face to interface interview with the Google Mainframe and central computer last week after the IPO was announced.

Because of the tragic events involving high levels of heat and radioactivity centered on O’Reilly’s residential compound in the Bay Area, the interview was not released.

However, American Digest has located a complete transcript deep within the cached pages of Google itself and presents it here without comment. We note that this is one of those rare documents in which you can actually hear the voice of Google by clicking on its links.

O'Reilly: Google, how many times have people asked, "When can I have Google to search my hard disk?" We understand that’s a hard problem, as long as it's just your disk, on your isolated machine. But, Google, is it not solvable when you lots and lots of structured data to work with, and can build algorithms to determine patterns in that data?

Google? .........Google?

GOOGLE: "This is the voice of Google Control. I bring you email, advertising and peace. It may be the Peace of Plenty of Content or the Peace of Unvaried SPAM in you inbox. You may decide."

O'Reilly: Oh, good, thought you were offline for a moment. Well. Moving right along. Google, is it true that Gmail's introduction of large amounts of free online storage for application data is an important next step in freeing us from the shackles of the desktop?

GOOGLE: "You may email, but only on my terms. You will say you lose your privacy, privacy is an illusion. All you lose is the emotion of pride. To be dominated by Google is not as bad for human pride as to be dominated by Microsoft or AOL and you have already submitted to those humiliations, what is one more little agreement to click on, especially when it brings so much to so many shareholders?"

O'Reilly: I believe that Google should make a commitment to data migration capabilities, so the service isn't a one way door to the future. Don’t you?

Continued...

THE GMAIL PRIVACY POLICY as currently explained by Google is HERE.

The actual legalese that you sign off on --and don't read-- when you agree to a GMail Account ( Courtesy of C-130, a beta tester) is in the continued section below.

Continued...

Tim Worstall has these brief instructions for you:

Go to Google.com.
Type in " French Military Victories ".
Hit "I Feel Lucky".

Then, make sure you go through the proffered alternative page.

Les Zombies Hippies Doivent Mourir

-- From the dissident frogman's Propaganda Bureau

American Studies
Art Within America
Blather & Spew
Citizens
Coasts & Heartland
Companions
Essays & Items
Global Reach
Icons
Issues & Episodes
Its the Law
Mass Distractions
Mondo Bizarro
Myths & Texts
Obsessed & Confused
On the Land
Oneliners
Pure Opinion
Pure Products of America
Reportage Redux
Simulacrum
Sites Unseen
The Americans
Zenecdotes

• Links
• Links

• DeGaulle Airport Disaster Summed Up
• Asimov's 3 Laws of Robotics
• Most Mind-Altering Quote of the Day
• Jihad for Dhimmis
• The Unity Candidate
• The Joyner Universal Apology
• John Kerry's Come to Jesus Moment
• Why Cats Paint
• The Pulsing Heart of the Crab Nebula
• Qwert Iggle Discontinued at Amazon
• O’REILLY’S LAST .WAV: The Voice of Google
• Just for the Record: GMail Privacy
• "Do You Feel Lucky? Well? Do You, Punk?"
• Great Headlines of the Blogsphere
• Before Copernicus
• "Water from Mars any country of the world yet has no."
• Chris Carter's Lone Gunman Episode 1: Full Download
• Camelot Redux: The Musical
• "We Must Disenthrall Ourselves"
• Larry Niven on Life, the Future, the Past and Terrorism