You used duct tape on a Kirby?

SACRILEGE!

This is a veiled reference to Keynesian economics, isn't it?
.

Grandma bought a Kirby back in the Paleocene.
Mom inherited it. Coolest attachment was the carpet cleaner as it produced clouds of foam to rival the airport's foam truck.
That particular attachment became a prominent feature at coed basement parties.
It is still being used by Dad in his shop 45 years on. I don't think he knows 'bout the foam thing.

Now that my wife and I are in or mid to late 70's we now use only IROBOTS. They vacuum under all our tables do not require us to bend and strain our backs to accomplish energy sapping cleaning tasks.

They find their charger when they are finished and are ready to go again when the need arises. They require no replacement bags and notify when they need cleaning that we accomplish with an expensive Hover (the new Kirby).

Irobot has a version that will mop your kitchen floor for you.

I know, you are a victim of your set ways. But wait until having to bend to get under the tables requires treatment at the local medical facility.

Joan, you simply must pause and REGROUP!

Whew! For a moment there,the world was closing in on me.

I've tried the ouroboros method of cleaning my vac. With much the same effect.

:o)

Dude: Loose the Kirby and the cheapo. Time to spend a few bucks and grow up. Buy an Oreck. Yeah, the ads are cheesy, but the thinks really work and they really are very light.

It appears your vacuum abhors nature, Gerard. Thanks for the laugh. I feel somehow....cleansed!

That's Fat Man for you. Always telling somebody else to empty their wallet. He's a stealth progressive he is.

What part of "Chopped Harley Hog of vacuums" don't you understand Joan? The Oreck may be lighter and posses as much suck, but it is the Yamaha of vacuums. The Kirby is a machine that a man can operate with pride, even when his friends are looking. Sometimes, form must triumph over function.

As for those robo-vacuums, when they start making them in the form of Salma Hayek wearing a garter and bustier pushing around a Kirby, please notify me.

The motor in this bad boy is so powerful it can suck kittens out of my basement through the floorboards in the living room.

I bet that'd be real popular on YouTube.

You CAN reuse the Kirby bag. I've done it in a pinch by carefully opening the bottom first to empty it, then folding it back and stapling it shut, then taping all over that.

We have a Kirby Generation 3, with the carpet cleaner. Purchased it in 1990 when we lived in a 750 square foot apartment in San Diego.

I don't know for sure if it will suck a kitten through the floor, mainly because all five of our cats are the size of moderate basketballs. They all head for the bomb shelter when I fire up the Kirby, anyway.

The motor is getting tired but it will still fill a HEPA rated filter bag with one lap around the first floor.

Shit, what in hell do ya'll think illegal house cleaners are for?

My cats call "The Kirby" the "Cat Eater".

Ah, Mr. Westsound. You missed your mark. And it was such a well-loaded volley, too. The Fat Man is your huckleberry.

Didn't it occur to you to turn the kirby bag inside out and throw it in the dryer? Or, tie it behind your car and drive around for a half hour?

If all the scorpions and spiders and baby lizards I've sucked into my vac got loose I'd have to sleep in the garage. He's not there now, but once sucked up a small snake, too. Feeling bad for it, I let him go outside.

Domestic Darwinism rocks!

Oh this just gets better and better with every new read. This is the sort of science fiction reality that a woman like me can enjoy. Housework: Drudgery? I think not! So long as I can watch someone else do it.

Jewel, the pleasure is to serve.

Xlnt as always Gerard

Trust me, the Oreck sucks, and not in a good way. Underpowered, overpriced and overrated. I still use mine for very light jobs, but the old all metal American - made Hoover I have is da bomb. The next best thing to hardwood floors.

Regards,
Rob

I had a Kirby. I sucked half my bedspread into it.

We included it with items for sale when we were trying to make weight for a military move. It was the Kirby vs several boxes of books.

All vacuums are doggie monsters at my house. Sounds come out of them you will never hear in the wild.

Clearly, you are the sort of man who needs three vacuum cleaners. It's called triple redundancy and is used for systems where failure is not an option.

Seriously man. Give a try to the Rainbow vac. My sister swears by it.

That was a well-written short story. It sucked me in from the first sentence....

My dad accidentally-maliciously sucked up a big western centipede (scolopendra robustus) with the old Electrolux tank-vac. Oh, with much trepidation we eyeballed the tube and the hose.... With no easy options left, we took the bag outside. It fell to me to cut the bag with a steak-knife; and the damned monster came bursting out like The Alien out of a human chest. I stabbed at it with the steak knife until I finally got it. Both halves ran different directions. We both needed a stiff drink after that.

Dyson, man.... Dyson.

I don' think I could bear a third vacuum cleaner. The risk would be too great.

I owned a Kirby for 20+ years. Kept fixing the motor until it finally breathed its last. Every vacuum since then is a poor second best. Very poor.

WTF? The remote is a man's tool. There is an order in the universe, and it is disrupted when men vacuum or clean the bathroom. That's how we ended up with Komrade Doofus. You need to go outside and shoot at something until you can't remember where you keep those vacuums.

I had a Kirby, I loved like one of my children.
Until a cleaning lady thought it was a shop vac and vacuumed a wet floor with it..It had major surgery, after that I could no longer afford the cleaning lady, but she was grumpy anyway.
The Kirby served me well for many more years,and was never grumpy.
Now that I'm older, I use mostly cordless,cowardly little things, but it's okay, I just take my glasses off and everything looks fine to me.

My doctor-pal next door put a spring mounted catnip mouse on his robot vacuum. As it goes on it's rounds, it entertains the cats. I think it has brought a lot of joy to his household.

Take a Dyson to your mattress and watch the transparent canister fill with a stratum of flesh-coloured filth an inch deep (if you haven't done it before and slept on the thing for 10 years). I have never vacuumed a non caucasian mattress, but I'm tempted to ask the Indian family down the way to let me have a go.

Thank you, Edward, for that mental image that has now consigned me to sleeping on the floor forever.

My floor cleaner is from El Salvador. I pay her in cash once a month.

Thanks for the smile, Gerard. I see that you were having "one of those days".

:o)

Hale Adams
Pikesville, People's Democratic Republic of Maryland

Clean? Vacuum? Horse pucky, that's why moving isn't such a chore. Giving up the cleaning deposit avoids that crud drudgery.

See, you learned something there: If you're gonna be cheap and re-use the vacuum cleaner bag, empty it outside.

Shouldn't have to learn that lesson more than a couple of times.

If I asked the man for a new vacuum cleaner for my birthday tomorrow, I might get lucky and get a dual bag. That would at least be a suckworthy endeavor. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=W5RDAQFAh6Q

A great vacuum cleaner but noisier than my five sons!

One of the problems with cheap vacuums is that their hoses get clogged.

Solution? A sink drain auger. No mutilation of hoses, no punctures.