You used duct tape on a Kirby?

SACRILEGE!

This is a veiled reference to Keynesian economics, isn't it?
.

Grandma bought a Kirby back in the Paleocene.
Mom inherited it. Coolest attachment was the carpet cleaner as it produced clouds of foam to rival the airport's foam truck.
That particular attachment became a prominent feature at coed basement parties.
It is still being used by Dad in his shop 45 years on. I don't think he knows 'bout the foam thing.

Now that my wife and I are in or mid to late 70's we now use only IROBOTS. They vacuum under all our tables do not require us to bend and strain our backs to accomplish energy sapping cleaning tasks.

They find their charger when they are finished and are ready to go again when the need arises. They require no replacement bags and notify when they need cleaning that we accomplish with an expensive Hover (the new Kirby).

Irobot has a version that will mop your kitchen floor for you.

I know, you are a victim of your set ways. But wait until having to bend to get under the tables requires treatment at the local medical facility.

Joan, you simply must pause and REGROUP!

Whew! For a moment there,the world was closing in on me.

I've tried the ouroboros method of cleaning my vac. With much the same effect.

:o)

Dude: Loose the Kirby and the cheapo. Time to spend a few bucks and grow up. Buy an Oreck. Yeah, the ads are cheesy, but the thinks really work and they really are very light.

It appears your vacuum abhors nature, Gerard. Thanks for the laugh. I feel somehow....cleansed!

That's Fat Man for you. Always telling somebody else to empty their wallet. He's a stealth progressive he is.

What part of "Chopped Harley Hog of vacuums" don't you understand Joan? The Oreck may be lighter and posses as much suck, but it is the Yamaha of vacuums. The Kirby is a machine that a man can operate with pride, even when his friends are looking. Sometimes, form must triumph over function.

As for those robo-vacuums, when they start making them in the form of Salma Hayek wearing a garter and bustier pushing around a Kirby, please notify me.

The motor in this bad boy is so powerful it can suck kittens out of my basement through the floorboards in the living room.

I bet that'd be real popular on YouTube.

You CAN reuse the Kirby bag. I've done it in a pinch by carefully opening the bottom first to empty it, then folding it back and stapling it shut, then taping all over that.

We have a Kirby Generation 3, with the carpet cleaner. Purchased it in 1990 when we lived in a 750 square foot apartment in San Diego.

I don't know for sure if it will suck a kitten through the floor, mainly because all five of our cats are the size of moderate basketballs. They all head for the bomb shelter when I fire up the Kirby, anyway.

The motor is getting tired but it will still fill a HEPA rated filter bag with one lap around the first floor.

Shit, what in hell do ya'll think illegal house cleaners are for?

My cats call "The Kirby" the "Cat Eater".

Ah, Mr. Westsound. You missed your mark. And it was such a well-loaded volley, too. The Fat Man is your huckleberry.

Didn't it occur to you to turn the kirby bag inside out and throw it in the dryer? Or, tie it behind your car and drive around for a half hour?

If all the scorpions and spiders and baby lizards I've sucked into my vac got loose I'd have to sleep in the garage. He's not there now, but once sucked up a small snake, too. Feeling bad for it, I let him go outside.

Domestic Darwinism rocks!

Oh this just gets better and better with every new read. This is the sort of science fiction reality that a woman like me can enjoy. Housework: Drudgery? I think not! So long as I can watch someone else do it.

Jewel, the pleasure is to serve.

Xlnt as always Gerard

Trust me, the Oreck sucks, and not in a good way. Underpowered, overpriced and overrated. I still use mine for very light jobs, but the old all metal American - made Hoover I have is da bomb. The next best thing to hardwood floors.

Regards,
Rob

I had a Kirby. I sucked half my bedspread into it.

We included it with items for sale when we were trying to make weight for a military move. It was the Kirby vs several boxes of books.

All vacuums are doggie monsters at my house. Sounds come out of them you will never hear in the wild.

Clearly, you are the sort of man who needs three vacuum cleaners. It's called triple redundancy and is used for systems where failure is not an option.

Seriously man. Give a try to the Rainbow vac. My sister swears by it.

That was a well-written short story. It sucked me in from the first sentence....

My dad accidentally-maliciously sucked up a big western centipede (scolopendra robustus) with the old Electrolux tank-vac. Oh, with much trepidation we eyeballed the tube and the hose.... With no easy options left, we took the bag outside. It fell to me to cut the bag with a steak-knife; and the damned monster came bursting out like The Alien out of a human chest. I stabbed at it with the steak knife until I finally got it. Both halves ran different directions. We both needed a stiff drink after that.

Dyson, man.... Dyson.

I don' think I could bear a third vacuum cleaner. The risk would be too great.

I owned a Kirby for 20+ years. Kept fixing the motor until it finally breathed its last. Every vacuum since then is a poor second best. Very poor.

WTF? The remote is a man's tool. There is an order in the universe, and it is disrupted when men vacuum or clean the bathroom. That's how we ended up with Komrade Doofus. You need to go outside and shoot at something until you can't remember where you keep those vacuums.

I had a Kirby, I loved like one of my children.
Until a cleaning lady thought it was a shop vac and vacuumed a wet floor with it..It had major surgery, after that I could no longer afford the cleaning lady, but she was grumpy anyway.
The Kirby served me well for many more years,and was never grumpy.
Now that I'm older, I use mostly cordless,cowardly little things, but it's okay, I just take my glasses off and everything looks fine to me.

My doctor-pal next door put a spring mounted catnip mouse on his robot vacuum. As it goes on it's rounds, it entertains the cats. I think it has brought a lot of joy to his household.

Take a Dyson to your mattress and watch the transparent canister fill with a stratum of flesh-coloured filth an inch deep (if you haven't done it before and slept on the thing for 10 years). I have never vacuumed a non caucasian mattress, but I'm tempted to ask the Indian family down the way to let me have a go.

Thank you, Edward, for that mental image that has now consigned me to sleeping on the floor forever.

My floor cleaner is from El Salvador. I pay her in cash once a month.

Thanks for the smile, Gerard. I see that you were having "one of those days".

:o)

Hale Adams
Pikesville, People's Democratic Republic of Maryland

Clean? Vacuum? Horse pucky, that's why moving isn't such a chore. Giving up the cleaning deposit avoids that crud drudgery.

See, you learned something there: If you're gonna be cheap and re-use the vacuum cleaner bag, empty it outside.

Shouldn't have to learn that lesson more than a couple of times.

If I asked the man for a new vacuum cleaner for my birthday tomorrow, I might get lucky and get a dual bag. That would at least be a suckworthy endeavor. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=W5RDAQFAh6Q

A great vacuum cleaner but noisier than my five sons!

One of the problems with cheap vacuums is that their hoses get clogged.

Solution? A sink drain auger. No mutilation of hoses, no punctures.

How ancient a device. Hie thee down to a lawn and garden shop, get a decent backpack leaf blower and never be bothered with having to empty a vacuum bag again.

Start at the farthest point of the abode and proceed to the remotest door. I strongly advise that you have that entry open before commencing so that all the detritus propelled before you is ejected properly to the exterior.

Fear not, you will only forget to open the door once.
(Hint: Recommend using a nail gun to fasten down the drapes, antimacassars and light weight pets)

Thanks for the laugh.

Over the years I've owned every top line vac known to mankind, Kirby, Royal, Sebo, Miele, Nilfisk, etc...and as much as I dislike the smug twat, Dyson vacs are by far the best.

Our DC15 Animal hasn't missed a beat in 8 yrs of heavy use(we have dogs & cats). As a bit of a clean freak, the thing I like best is that the canister and filter components come apart and you can wash them out. A big deal with dog funk...which penetrates a cloth bag cover.

The uprights have a design flaw for multi-purpose cleaning, the wand attachments need an articulating joint, but the vac itself works exactly as advertised. I even vacuum out the wood stove, suck up cat litter, and a dropped bag of flour; stuff that would choke a bagged vac.

I recently bought a DC47 Animal canister model for the upstairs, and while it's not as powerful as the upright it's far better than the Miele it replaced.

I love my husband beyond all reason and qualifications. I married him when I was 17 and we are at 44 years of wedlock, and still going strong. For 30 of years, he sold janitorial supplies. In middle of that time, we had a janitorial service for 10 years, so I know on both hands (and my back, and feet---neck, too) of which I speak.

He has not showered me with diamonds, but he has given me the finest of the best in janitorial supplies and equipment. So when I tell you to buy an Oreck, I mean it. We tried other commercial brands and they could not stand up the demands of industrial usage, and they were heavy. Mind you---he serviced the vacuums every day before our employees took them out---cleaned the bags, checked belts, power cords, and rollers. Buy an industrial model Oreck, and keep it clean. Buy an extra belt and slip it over the handle. Tape a package of filter bags on the wall where you keep the vacuum and replace them when the dirt hits the fill line. Oh, and don't vacuum over your cord.

P.S. I grew up with a Kirby. The bottom of the bag should have a metal gripper that slides tightly over the bottom of the bag to seal it. Your's must have been lost at some point. You can buy another. Inside the zippered pocket on the bag is an internal scraper you can use to scrape out the inside of the bag---from inside the zippered pocket. Feel around for it. Alternately, you can buy a new bag for the Kirby if your credit is good.

We had a Kirby. Would still have it if the vacuum matched the sound.

"Chopped Harley Hog" is an excellent simile. Loud, gaudy, of a style only appreciated by the faithful, and mediocre at it's supposed purpose. Did I mention loud?

In the MC world, the term "poser" is applied to (mainly) Harley types; from the french "poseur" but also having a hearty American connotation in its Funk & Wagnall's sense.

I think that you have created a new category: vacuum poser. :-)

Ah....the Kirby. After bequeathing you the Big Sucker my regret was tantamount when I found myself keeping house with a garage sale icky non sucking piece of crap my paramour called The Vacuum. My lament was heard when I spied gently used late model Kirby at an estate sale for $50. My darling Mr. promptly went to the bank and extracted the cash. Nothing beats the suck of a Kirby. Nothing.

Amazon. All your vacuum bags delivered to your door.

Toilet seat? By pure matter of efficiency, I leave it as it was at last use.

I never followed through, but drew up plans to turn my mom's Kirby vacuum cleaner into a supercharger for my 1976 Chevette. It simply would have been connected between the carb and intake manifold.I could have made adapters for the carb and manifold connection in foundry class. I never came up with a good solution to drive the Kirby through the timing belt/cam/crank assembly. Certainly would have been cool though.A supercharged four cylinder Camaro slayer!

I'm a man. I use a ShopVac.

I have two cats, I had a Dyson animal vacuum.

When I moved into my new place I ditched the Dyson and got a Roomba 880 and it is the BEST thing I have ever done! It gets under everything except the coffee table and end tables and a few narrow places that I use a dustbuster on. I named it Scotty because it truly is a miracle worker. I have it vacuum all the flooring, both hard and carpeted, daily. It picks up everything and it has a "dirt detector" feature that goes over an area that is dirty until it no longer detects any dirt (great for the cat litter that gets tracked out of the box.)

My house looks like I have a maid cleaning it daily. The Roomba keeps the dust down in the house so I don't have to dust as much, too. The only things you have to do maintenance wise is empty the dust cup and knock (or blow out with canned air) the HEPA filter daily and clean it once a week. Cleaning consists of removing the rollers to make sure there is no string or hair wrapped around them, blow out the dust and wipe off the sensors. That takes all of 10 minutes, a soft cloth and a screwdriver. Considering I'm no longer spending an hour every other day vacuuming I'm not going to make a fuss about doing maintenance on it. BTW-All parts are easily replaceable by even the most non-mechanical of people and the only tools you need are a straight and Phillips screwdrivers. I've never had a mechanical problem with it so far and I've had it for a year.

I know you probably think I was joking when I called it a miracle worker. I wasn't. My brother-in-law is very allergic to cats and has never been able to spend more than ten minutes in my house due to this. Last week I had him and my sister over for dinner and a movie and he was comfortable the whole way through and didn't have to use his inhaler. They are thinking about getting one, too. They have three dogs who track in a lot of dirt and shed a lot of hair.

When next you're done with your household chores could you make me a sammich?