Remedial Thanksgiving: Just Put the F*cking Turkey in the Oven

Pretty much sums up my approach to cooking turkeys, except I don't drink.

Posted by bfwebster at November 23, 2011 11:18 AM

I laughed so hard at this, my sides hurt because this is exactly what I wanted to say yesterday on a forum where everyone was competing to tell their "special" turkey roasting secrets. As usual, when a discussion of such high import is under way, commenters break up into factions. You've always got those who like to think they are the "cool kids." Second, you have the wannabes, who can be counted on to cheerlead for those they see as the "cool kids." Third you have the independent thinkers who can see the practicaliites of all positions, Fourth are the cantankerous ones who never agree with anyone just because they are so disagreeable themselves, and Lastly, you have the simple folks who think the whole gamesmanship is stupid and throw up their hands and say, "Just put the f*cking turkey in the oven.

I am a happy person who thinks the "Lastlies" are the real cool kids.

Posted by Sara (Pal2Pal) at November 23, 2011 11:20 AM

The secret to good turkey is to let the meat soak in the gravy for a few days. Forget Thursday, there are enough side dishes so you won't even miss the turkey. Start eating it Saturday. Everybody knows that.

Posted by Harry at November 23, 2011 1:16 PM

LOL Harry, I'm with you. I always enjoy the turkey sandwich much more than I do the full dinner.

In fact, so much so, that during the years my husband was active duty and he seemed to always have duty on Thanksgiving and we would go to the ship for dinner, I still bought a small turkey to roast and slice for sandwiches to enjoy in the days after, since other than an extra pie, we never had the best part of the turkey, the leftovers, to bring home from the ship.

Posted by Sara (Pal2Pal) at November 23, 2011 1:53 PM

With a kitchen like that and mouth and attitude like that I think it's fair to say she's a flaming liberal fuqwit. Never had a good smoked turkey? Cajun turkey? How bout a Southern style with cornbread dressing turkey with all the trimmings?

Lighten up, not everything has to be political.

And I grew up in Western Pennsylvania and it is a surprise to me that cornbread stuffing is southern style. We always stuffed the small end with oyster/cornbread stuffing. Smoked turkey is okay, but I can't imagine serving it for Thanksgiving and expecting all 20 guests to find it palatable. I'm not sure what cajun turkey is other than the spices used. Again, for those of us who enjoy Cajun cooking it might be different but okay, I know that not everyone at the table would agree.

Thanksgiving dinner should be, IMHO, as traditional as you can make it. Memories grow out of tradition. There is something about using Greatgranma's gravy recipe or GreatAunt's pumpkin pie receipe and having the entire dinner bring back not only your own childhood memories but also the childhood memories of the very oldest and very youngest in attendance.

Posted by Sara (Pal2Pal) at November 23, 2011 2:51 PM

Roasted turkey, Waldorf Salad, Mashed Potatoes, Sweet Potatoes, Green Beens, Corn Pudding, Russian Black bread (courtesy of the daughter's Bulgarian girlfriend.) Stuffing, of course, pumpkin pies, and best of all: 4 grown daughters who insist on doing the cooking this year....except for the stuffing and the pies. There are many, many things for which I am grateful, including Gerard's second bite at life.

Posted by Jewel at November 23, 2011 7:34 PM

Anyone attempting to pass themselves off as some sort of cooking expert should be able to get it straight that the breast cooks faster than the dark meat, even when completely soused.

Posted by Casca at November 23, 2011 7:44 PM

Casca, Does "soused" refer to the breast soaked in wine, or to the "cooking expert"?

Posted by Daniel K Day at November 23, 2011 10:04 PM

Fried turkey is not half bad. But she's right.. it's just another excuse to drink.

Posted by RedCarolina at November 24, 2011 7:02 AM

Permit me to add: check BOTH cavities for little paper bags. I have done every thing wrong when it comes to cooking a turkey, but Auntie Marie is right: it's just a turkey. Good gravy covers a multitude of sins.

Pah. Make sure you have plenty of pah. And real whipped cream.

Posted by Deborah at November 20, 2012 8:02 PM

I suppose I could just put the fucking turkey in the oven, but something tells me the Secret Service might have a problem with that. D'Oh!

Posted by Morgan K Freeberg at November 20, 2012 11:43 PM

My good friend invited me over for Thanksgiving one year. It was about a month after my husband's death. She thought she had everything under control and we were all drinking a little and munching on some goodies. Then she discovered that her mother had somehow accidentally turned the oven off that morning. The turkey was still very raw and very cold. She started trying to dismember it to precook it in the microwave. I went out with some family members to buy more booze.

The turkey was not very memorable, but that Thanksgiving was!

Posted by Teri Pittman at November 21, 2012 5:48 PM

Well, she may be a commie twit, but she's right about turkey. If it wasn't traditional we wouldn't bother with it. lol

Posted by pbird at November 22, 2012 7:24 AM

The fondest memory I have of a family Thanksgiving tradition is that there is, in addition to the turkey, a really big ham on the table. Turkey doesn't always come out right, but it's hard to screw up a ham, even teenagers can get it ready to put in the oven, and it doubles your post-holiday sandwich capability. Some years there was a nice sirloin, and mom would make Marsala sauce to go with it. Some years there would be a leg of lamb.

If you can afford it, try to hedge your bets. It's a good idea to have a Plan B sitting on the table when everyone comes to the table--too frequently, turkey is a letdown.

Posted by Mike James at November 22, 2012 10:25 AM