Comments: Helpful Hints: Flaps up
Posted by jwm at May 30, 2012 6:59 PM
Leave the babies in the car when you go shopping. Make sure they have a full bottle of milk and are safely strapped tightly in their car seats. Crack a window on hot days, but always play it safe by LOCKING the DAMN car. You don't want carjackers taking the babies for a spin.
Posted by Jewel at May 30, 2012 10:19 PM
That's hardcore, Jewel. Obviously, not your first rodeo.
exits, humming chorus to Eddie Money's "Think I'm In Love"....
Posted by Mike James at May 31, 2012 7:51 AM
Hell, when my drama queens acted up in restaurants, I used to take them to the bathroom for some baby waterboarding...amazing things can be done on a clean changing table, Mike. And they thoughtfully put restraining bands on them, just like they do for death penalty patients.
Posted by Jewel at May 31, 2012 10:10 AM
Thanks for that. Now I cannot use carts anymore.
Posted by flannelputz at May 31, 2012 11:38 AM
Our Jewel, she of the steady hand and steely eye, she who the other mothers sing songs about in the mountains, Jewel is the Bill Brasky of child rearing. Fear Jewel, disobedient children. Love her, but fear her!
exits swiftly, as Klingon Battle music pots up
Posted by Mike James at May 31, 2012 11:58 AM
The women's room is a fearsome place to be, Mike.
Posted by Jewel at May 31, 2012 7:02 PM
Oh Jewel, you and my mom were cut from the same bolt of cloth. I can't think of a public place where I wasn't beaten to my knees. When my younger twin brother and sister were born, she got a harness for them. I don't think that I've ever seen one since. Of course, she'd be doing life in the federal pen if she was a young mother today.
Posted by Casca at May 31, 2012 10:30 PM
Casca, I have had so many concerned and caring people look shocked at me for publicly disowning my squalling balls of fat and goo. I would say things like, "I don't know whose children you are, but there's no way you can be my children, because my children never cry. They don't ever ask for things. My children don't ever whine or fight. So I don't know whose kids you are, but I'm giving you back to them when I am done here."
Posted by Jewel at June 1, 2012 9:18 AM