Excruciating. I have to believe that perhaps you and I have had some of the same types of experiences, and from them come to some of the same conclusions. Bravo.

Fantastic! I can't explain why, but this is particularly on point for a close friend who desperately needs to read a piece like this.

I had not considered the runaway bride beyond my initial response which (I'm sure) is the typical male response [groom, cut the woman loose and never look back] but you have definitely set me to thinking.

No, Gerard; with all respect, Love does not come and go, not the real thing at least.

Love suffers long, and is kind; love does not envy, does not vaunt itself, is not puffed up, does not behave itself unseemly, seeks not its own, is not easily provoked, thinks no evil; rejoices not in iniquity, but rejoices in the truth; bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.

Love never fails.

I haven't been in a church since I was wed - well, rewed, actually - nearly 18 years ago. But I recognize, and recommend, the definition of Love provided by First Corinthians 13.

And it doesn't go missing.

Ever.

You are writing without the filter, Mr. Van der Leun.

I envy you. Admire you much, much more - but have got to wonder how the professional writer in you is feeling with the new tools in your box.

Just about everything you have posted this recent past slice of time has struck me on a physical level. You have written essays (and such poetry) that used to cause me to pull out scissors and collect magazine pages, or just stash the whole issue on the far corner of the bookshelf with the other keepers.

The lit'rary cluebat hits hard.

Don't know you. Don't know your story, but appreciate you translating the facts and emotions into forms that you can share. Don't know if you are answering any questions of mine, or attempting to give birth to answers for your own. I get glimpses into the furnace of your soul, though.

Not many people crack that door - and almost never on purpose.

Best of luck to you. And thank you for what you do here.

Deep, deep, deep.
You have to wonder how much collateral damage from these little 'emotional bombs' is started by someone who is simply afraid to be by themself.
(If that makes any sense.)

Everyman:

Perhaps love does not "go missing," in the true sense of things. But, being as it is, something felt, communicated and nurtured between two or more people, it is subject to all the variables that individual human beings bring to the party.

While one can love alone, the true fulfillment comes when that love is equally felt and shared with another person, be it mate, offspring, immediate family or friend. However, "true love," and I am happy that you seem to have found it, may be nothing more than a happenstance meeting of people with very similar wiring. It cannot be ordained solely by one's actions.

That said, I am very happy for you. I wish more of us were able to find such a suitable partner.

In my experience, love can most certainly go. It has happened to me more than once, yet it has also come back once. I have found that it is usually fear that drives away love; the fear of forever, the fear of never, the fear of too wrong or too right. I have lived my life based on a hundred forms of fear and it was only when I was brave enough to walk through that fear that I felt love again.

What a lovely essay on love. I think trust and truth are built over time and, though they can be lost, they can be rebuilt, over time. Humans do make mistakes but virtue is something that extends over time, over the occasional mistake.

Thanks for the recent postings!

Paolo, all too true, and a very wise insight. What was the lyric from "Celluloid Heroes" about Marilyn Monroe?

"She should have been made of iron or steel, but she was only made of flesh and blood."

We're only too human; too weak, too vulnerable, too afraid, too foolish, too greedy and life is too short, we're afraid of death. Getting over fear is a lot harder than it looks. Thanks Gerard Van der Luen.

Got a wife and kids in Baltimore, Jack
I went out for a ride and I never went back
Like a river that don't know where it's flowing
I took a wrong turn and I just kept going

Everybody's got a hungry heart
Everybody's got a hungry heart
Lay down your money and you play your part
Everybody's got a hungry heart

I met her in a Kingstown bar
We fell in love I knew it had to end
We took what we had and we ripped it apart
Now here I am down in Kingstone again

Everybody's got a hungry heart
Everybody's got a hungry heart
Lay down your money and you play your part
Everybody's got a hungry heart

Everybody needs a place to rest
Everybody wants to have a home
Don't make no difference what nobody says
Ain't nobody like to be alone

HUNGRY HEART
by Bruce Springsteen

A mansion on a hill is a lovely sight to see
But like any other house, it’s only temporary
Home is anywhere you choose to put your heart;
If there’s no love inside, it’ll soon fall apart.

Ashes to ashes, dust into dust
Buildings will crumble, bridges will rust
Mountains will disappear, rivers will dry up
And so it goes with everything but love
And so it goes, with everything but love

You can drive around in a long limosine
If you don’t know where you’re going, it don’t mean a thing
He who’d walk a mile, just to hold an empty hand
Knows what it means, to be a wealthy man

Ashes to ashes, dust into dust
Buildings will crumble, bridges will rust
Mountains will disappear, rivers will dry up
And so it goes with everything but love
And so it goes, with everything but love

Worldly treasures will all pass away
There’s just one thing that’s put here to stay

Ashes to ashes, dust into dust
Buildings will crumble, bridges will rust
Mountains will disappear, rivers will dry up
And so it goes with everything but love
And so it goes, with everything but love

from "Will the Circle Be Unbroken, Volume II"

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Let your doctor know if you have nausea, vomiting, hives, rash, chest pain, itching, pounding heartbeat, swelling, difficulty breathing, and some vision problems - ? Valium can affect the accuracy of your blood sugar tests.